that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
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