if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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