What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
