At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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