put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
