the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
