all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I have fence marks all over my body
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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