this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
