I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
