He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
