remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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