just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
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