possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
