Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
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last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
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All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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