I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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