You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
