i jhust puked up my retainher.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
