My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
