Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
