Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
