my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
