things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
