Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
