I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
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Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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