Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
