the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
