Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
