ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
My vagina just recognized that song.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
