he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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