I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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