Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Just high enough for therapy.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
