I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Welp...herpes.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
