I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
