I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
