I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
