just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
