two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
