I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
