I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
