I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Randomize
