very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
