im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
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well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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