Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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