I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
