somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
