i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
