Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
