He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
