Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
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My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
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You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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