It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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