Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
