I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
