Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
