Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
