I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
