you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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