to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You are a genius and a whore.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
