A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
