I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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