its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
