I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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