My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
