I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
