but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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