then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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