It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
