You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
