It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
