Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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